


I am not angry, I am in Pain

by Dance_in_the_Dark



Series: Sirius Orion Black [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Cussing, Sirius Black Angst, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:48:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27813289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dance_in_the_Dark/pseuds/Dance_in_the_Dark
Summary: Read the tags, click at your own risk.
Relationships: A bit of Wolfstar, Sirius Black & Bellatrix Black Lestrange
Series: Sirius Orion Black [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2017225
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	I am not angry, I am in Pain

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by "I'm not angry, I'm in PAIN"  
> You can listen to it on youtube.

Sirius Black and Bellatrix Black looked at each other. It was after curfew, a month after the Whomping Willow Incident, and the other three Marauders hadn't forgiven Sirius. But they noticed he hadn't come up to the dorm to sleep so they went to look for him via the Marauders map, which told them Sirius and Bellatrix were alone in a corridor on the seventh floor.

While none of them would admit it, they were worried about Sirius. He had ran away from home the summer before their sixth year and now he was alone with Bellatrix? They grabbed James' cloak and rushed to the corridor.

Now, they were watching the two from around a corner. No one had said anything yet, but the silence was broken at that moment when Bellatrix started taunting Sirius. Her voice barely above a whisper, but it seemed to echo around them.

"Disappointment. Blood traitor. Ungrateful brat. Worthless. Useless. Fat. Ugly. _Mistake_ "

Every insult made James, Peter, and Remus angrier. They had known since third year that Sirius had issues with his self esteem. And while he had betrayed them, he was still their best friend. The betrayal hurt, yes, but what hurt more was walking up and seeing Sirius' bed empty.What hurts more is going to the common room to see Sirius curled up in a corner, trying to be as small as possible. What hurts more is seeing him out of the corner of their eyes and when they turn to look, he's gone, and they know it's because he's trying to avoid them.

They just want things to go back the way they were. And they know Sirius well enough to know he won't apologize because he thinks he doesn't deserve forgiveness. But they could tell, every insult Bellatrix said pushed Sirius closer and closer to snapping. And it seemed like he finally reached his breaking point. 

His magic lashed out, throwing her wand out of her hand. Sirius ripped his wand out of his pocket and said a silencing charm as quickly as possible. Everyone in that corridor felt the silencing charm go up and as soon as it did, Sirius snapped.

"I will not stand here and let you remind me of everything I hate about myself!"

Silent tears were running down his cheeks. Bellatrix seemed to be shocked into silence along with the other three Marauders.

"I never asked for it to be this way! I never asked to be made!"

James, Peter, and Remus all had tears streaming down their faces by now and Bellatrix just looked indifferent.

"Why can't you just be like Regulus? Why do you have to be such a disappointment?" 

Sirius seemed to shut down at that. His face was cold, emotionless. His eyes were blank. 

"Why can't you understand that I can't be who you want me to be? I can't be who _she_ wants me to be."

His voice was barely raised and like his face, it was cold and monotone. Bellatrix finally seemed to understand how grave of an error she made so she tried to fix it. 

"I get that your angry-"

"I am not angry, I am in _Pain!_ And _you_ put me here! One of the people who was supposed to love me more than anything!" His voice was raised but his face didn't change. Bellatrix started looking around for her wand, seeing it ten feet away from her. She started trying to get it slowly, to not alert Sirius.

"You always hated us! Ever since you got sorted, you've hated us!"

Sirius' eyes seemed to start glowing, and there was rage and pain in those mercury eyes. But his body posture was calm. "You broke me." Bellatrix looked at him in confusion, waiting for him to continue. "You broke my heart." She scoffed. ' _Like you even have a heart'_

 _"_ And I hate you, because I still love you" Her eyes widened.

"And I hate myself even more for it"

With that, the silencing charm went down and he started walking away. Bellatrix, who had somehow managed to get her wand back, was too shocked to do anything. She just stood there, trying to process what he said.

Peter looked at the map and saw that Sirius was heading for the Astronomy Tower. He tapped on the shoulders of the other two and pointed at the map. Their eyes widened before all of them started running to the tower.

When they got there, Sirius was sitting on the railing, his back to them. He was leaning forward but turned to look at them when they came in. His eyes were empty now, and there was a smile on his face. It was small and peaceful. "I'm sorry. Sorry for everything. Including what I'm about to do"

His voice was soft but they still heard it. He pulled his wand out of his wand before silently disarming all three of them. Their wands flew out of their hands and landed in a corner. Sirius threw his wand in the same corner before leaning forward again. Only this time, he didn't stop leaning forward until he fell. James was the first to snap out of it and ran to the railing, looking down to see the mangled and bloody corpse of his best friend, his _brother_.

He wanted to cry, to shout, to scream, but he couldn't. He was still in shock. The other two came over and looked down as well. Remus felt tears start streaming down his face as the shock finally started to wear off. He just felt numb. He never got the chance to tell Sirius he loved him, and now, he would neer get the chance. 

Remus closed his eyes and came up with an idea. He looked over at the other two and could tell they had the same idea by the look in their eyes. All three of the remaining Marauders got up on the railing and jumped off. All three died on impact with the ground. 


End file.
